World Cup post-mortem

For a lark, I thought I would gather some thoughts about the 2018 World Cup in Russia. I reckon it's the best I've seen since 1998, possibly even better.

For what it's worth, here are some categories:

Best game - Initially, I couldn't have imagined a better game than Spain 3 Portugal 3 (or Ronaldo 3), but subsequent matches may have equalled it. I'm thinking specifically of Mexico 1 Germany 0, Japan 2 Senegal 2, France 4 Argentina 3, Belgium 3 Japan 2, Belgium 2 Brazil 1 and these are just the ones I saw. Some terrific matches in all. Hard to pick a favourite but if pushed, I'd go for France 4 Argentina 3. Some great goals (Di Maria & Pavard especially), end to end attacking, Mbappe's pace, Argentina's decline on show, average defending and a little agro to boot (Otamendi, step forward). Top drawer fun.

Best goal - Hmmm, again some absolute belters at this tournament. First a short-list: Cheryshev v Saudi Arabia in the first game (!), Nacho v Portugal and Ronaldo's free kick in the same game, Coutinho v Switzerland, Mertens v Panama, Eriksen v Australia, Modric v Argentina, Xhaka v Serbia, Musa v Iceland, Quaresma v Iran, Son v Mexico, Messi v Nigeria, the aforementioned Di Maria v France and Pavard in the same match, Inui v Belgium, and Vertonghen's crazy header and Chadli's winner in the same game, De Bruyne v Brazil, Cheryshev again v Croatia. I've been chewing over this decision for a week or two, but I reckon (at time of writing).....it's....ah fuck it, here's a top three. 3 - Cheryshev's sweet, outside of the left foot volley into the far corner against Saudi Arabia after coming on as a sub. 2 - Mertens's almost standing start volley from the corner of the box into the far corner. Not many geezers would try that sublime shit. 1 - Pavard's screamer against Argentina. Ball crossed from the left, misses a few players, Pavard appears from off camera outside the right corner of the box, proper fucking melts it, hard, fast and as horizontal as Mertens (2) was vertical. And five middle-aged men explode in shouts and flying snacks.

Best save - There were some pretty good saves in Russia and some bloody marvellous ones too. A short list: Patricio v Morocco, Sommer v Sweden, El Shenawy v Uruguay, Lloris v Belgium, Courtois v France, Lloris v Uruguay, Pickford v Belgium (to prevent the goal of the tournament), Courtois v Brazil. All fine but I'm going to go with Lloris against Uruguay. Such a long, stretchy leap. Not many better at that.

Biggest Bell-end - A much shorter short list: Neymar v everyone, Pepe v Spain. No contest really. Neymar, you fucking goose.

Team of the tournament - These are the players I enjoyed watching during Russia 2018. Not necessarily the best but the ones that got some kind of response from me.

Goalkeeper - Eiji Kawashima (Japan) - Yo-yo keeper, made some very good saves as well as punching the ball to the feet of Mane against Senegal. What was he thinking?

Left back - Moussa Wague (Senegal) - Tall, pacy young defender who seems to be able to play anywhere across the back AND get forward (he scored a nice goal against Japan). But mainly gets in due to the fact that his name sounds like it could be a dirty word in Japanese. And my wife enjoyed saying it over and over.

Right back - Sime Vrsaljko (Croatia) juts pipped Benjamin Pavard (France) to this spot. Both were on top form but I reckon Vrsaljko was  a little more integral to Croatia's run to the final. And Pavard can bask in his thunderbastard against Argentina, anyway. Oh, and his World Cup winner's medal...

Centre back - Carlos Salcedo (Mexico) - Solid, stylish defender who made the Germans look piss-poor. Bags of talent and only 24.

Centre back - Jan Vertonghen (Belgium) - Sorted out a sometimes shaky defence and scored a stonking header (he meant it!) to get Belgium back into the game against Japan. Spurs legend too.

Wedging the rest of these guys into some sort of formation is the tricky part but here goes. 

Centre mid - Luka Modric (Croatia) - Goes without saying, he's of the stars this guy. My favourite current player, some of his moves were amazing in Russia. I was especially chuffed with his shoulder-dropping feints to gain half a yard. Still immense, hope he doesn't have to do porridge.

Centre mid - Kevin De Bruyne (Belgium) - Another gem. He actually played better when he was moved forward but I need to squeeze him in. His goal against Brazil. Have some of that!

Left winger - Takashi Inui (Japan) - Really set the pace for the Blue Samurai and his goal against Senegal was supreme.

Attacking mid - Isco (Spain) - His game against Portugal showed what a class act he is and with a little more luck, a proper finisher to get on the end of his balls (oo-er matron) and a coach, he may have had a medal of some sort dangling around his neck.

Right winger - Younes Belhanda (Morocco) - The unluckiest bugger (alongside Benatia) in the unluckiest team in these finals. Again, I'm squeezing him on the right though he played most games as a 10 or on the left but I reckon he could play anywhere up there. Silky, quick and direct, didn't deserve to go out early.

Centre forward - Artem Dzyuba (Russia) - What a beast, actually more like a tree with some technique. Came on for Smolov in the first game, scored a minute later and made himself undroppable. Scored a pen against Spain and gave everyone he played against the shits. Top stuff.

Coach - Oscar Tabarez (Uruguay) - One of the most level-headed blokes in this circus. Could be a professor or a Bond villain.

That is all. Roll on Qatar. Doesn't just the sound of that feel like chewing oily sand and shite?